04 October 2010

God is awake

"I was in so much pain that I didn't have any fight left in me. I let go and decided that whatever was going to happen, would happen. I knew the hospital could not help me and there was nothing left to do except wait. The pain was so unbearable. In the past, I would keep fighting but this time, it wasn't in me."

I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach as I heard these words and I was speechless and yet, I knew that for those words to have been spoken, the pain must have been worst than ever before. My first thoughts we selfish-"You must be around when I get married. You have to meet my children." Quickly my thoughts turned to outward and I forgot about my somewhat trivial concerns.

Watching a loved one live with an illness has changed me...hopefully for the better.

"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake."
Victor Hugo

2 comments:

Sara T. said...

aww whats going on Shelly? Seriously though I understand the anger part. My Mom was suppose to be here to see my kids, to meet her "grand puppy" as she always called him. To see my new home. To hang out with my husband more. But I take comfort in knowing her spirit lives on. She always said she would be the angel on my shoulder. I know it sounds weird but having her pass, makes death a lot less scary for me because I know she will be there when I get there some day. I know that it will be a path I won't have to walk alone. But even with her gone I will live every day I have, for her. As I always have. As we all should live for our parents and loved ones

Shannon said...

Shell my dear. I'm thinking about you and praying for you. I hope everything is ok.