18 September 2007

I don't need anyone...

in-de-pen-dent, adjective (1): not subject to control by others

Why is it so hard for me to ask for help? I build walls around myself and few make it past the first level of defense. Most get stuck by the flesh eating dragons, the thorny bushes surrounding the wall, or the myriad of other traps I have set in case someone is intruding.

Here's a story that may or may not be true that illustrates my independent streak. Once upon a time a girl named Emily moved into the condo where I live. I soon discovered she was very unstable and was told I could help her because I'm a social worker. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy helping people, but to come home to someone who was very needy and manilpulative was not good for my mental health. Emily was soon evicted, but not before she pushed my roommate and kept the key to the front door. I decided to change the locks myself. I bought a new lock and started on the project, but soon encountered some dificulties. I took the old doorknob off and tried to replace it with the new one and it wasn't fitting right. Eventually I put the old lock back on and admitted defeat. I am happy to report that Jason came to the rescue and fixed the door and a number of other items in the condo.

The other night my friend Lohra called saying she couldn't turn off the dome light in her car. I took some tools down to her and she took off the sunglass holder and fixed the light-amazing. My roommate Jen likes to call me when there's a project that needs attention in the condo. The dishwasher won't close, the fridge isn't staying cold, or the batteries in the smoke alarm need to be replaced. The funny thing is that if I can't figure out what's wrong I call my dad-he lives in Idaho. What's he going to do? I'm not sure, but he's the one I call. Last summer I got a flat tire and again my dad was the first person I called. He talked me into calling someone to help me change the tire and Steve dropped everything and came right over.

So, what I am to learn from these experiences? For the most part I can get by on my own, but it's okay to ask for help. I have to start tearing down the walls I build. I can't expect others to do all the work to get by the dragons. You'd think that seeing my friends with wounds from the thorns and bits of their flesh torn off their bodies would be enough for me to let them in, but for now it isn't. I'll get there. Until then, I don't need anyone or at least that's what I try to convince myself.


Lohra said...

...and fix that baby I did.
Your visiting teachers have had a really difficult time with those thorny bushes. The flesh-eating dragons haven't been a problem as much.

A STAR is born said...

It's nice to be needed, eh?
Weird, I call Lohra to fix things too. Or McCall. I'm such a dang girly girl.
Shells, I'm thinking of buying a small island. Would you like to buy the neighboring one?


I'd love to buy the island neighboring yours.

A STAR is born said...

Then we could pretend all day long that we don't need each other...but you and I both know we'd be sleeping over at each other's islands all the time. And trading the latest island bestsellers. Sigh. I need a hammock.